Red Letter Days, Ireland 2050

When you look back on the past, from the vantage of the twilight years of life, there are occasions that stand out as being particularly memorable.

The first kiss; graduation; buying your first home; marriage; the birth of the first child; retirement; and of course the day you bought your first bank.

Wait, what now?

Oh yes, yes, I remember now, it seems like only yesterday; when the Irish government doubled the nations debt in just one day to bail out the banking industry and turned the Irish state into a syndicate backing a stable of overpriced racehorses that are only fit for the knacker's yard.

I remember it all too well.

At the time of course we didn't realise the effect that it would have on the country. We knew that things were bad, very bad. Just not how particularly awful it had gotten.

After all, the state already owned one bank so why not buy a few more? And when our glorious leaders start talking about tens of billions here, and tens of billions there, it all seems to glaze into one obese, roly-poly number with no real meaning.

But of course despite decrying that the banks had "engaged in reckless property development lending" and making a few token arrests, carefully choreographed for the press, Fianna Faíl were never going to let the banks go bust.

No, all that was just the show-business of politics. Like when backbenchers decry the most unpopular Taoiseach in the history of the state, then back him in the Daíl the next day, all in a cynical attempt to save their own necks at the next election.

After all, the boyo's in the banks were lending to the builders who were in the Fianna Faíl tents at the Galway races; the Fianna Faíl government were coining in the stamp duty and donations from nouveau riche builders (sorry, property developers); the electorate were assured that the fundamentals of the Irish economy were sound; and all the while, Bertie giggled and fawned.

There are other red letter days now of course; the day the IMF came in; the day they left, tails between their legs declaring us a lost cause; the day we were expelled from the EU; and the day that we were forced to lease the entire country, lock stock and citizenry to the Chinese for 100 years.

After all we were too deep in debt and they were the only ones with the cash available to bail us out.

So as I eke out my twilight years, in indentured servitude to my Chinese overlords in the recently re-named Hong Kong West I often wonder to myself; where did it all go wrong Harry?

Was it when we decided to stop exporting and decided that we could all get richer selling property to one another?

Was it when we decided that we wouldn't mind being the landlords for a change and tried to colonise eastern Europe, one apartment block at a time. Land league my hole.

Was it when we gave up and democracy and decided that we'd just let the one party run the state for us?

Whenever it was, if I could go back and change it all I would. I'd revolt, march in the streets, hang a few of the smug fuckers from a lamppost and then tell the other politicians that they need to either shape up fast, or go the way of the fella with the stretched neck.

Because that's all that most politicians will understand unfortunately. Wolfe Tone knew it; Robert Emmet knew it; Pearse knew it; Collins knew it. Somewhere along the way however, we the people forgot it and now we're suffering the consequences.

Roll on 80 and retirement, that's what I say. Or as we have to say now 卷在八十和退休.

Re-shuffling Deckchairs

Was there ever a more unfortunate vessel than the good ship Ireland? As if it isn't enough to be traversing a choppy sea, surrounded by economic icebergs & bad weather, the Captain of the ship is the moral and mental equivalent of a drunk asleep at the wheel.

This week's cabinet reshuffle was an unsurprising let-down, where Ireland's most uninspiring, unimaginative Taoiseach since DeValera, reshuffled the deckchairs as his ship slowly sinks below the surface.

That Mary Coughlan is no longer able to sabotage our economic recovery is a good thing, of this there is no doubt. The good people in the Department of Enterprise, the IDA and Enterprise Ireland can heave a sigh of relief, albeit temporarily.

The real worry now though, is that the future education of the children of Ireland is being presided over by a minister who thinks that Einstein came up with the theory of evolution.

So much for our 'Smart Economy.'

Coughlan continues to preside over Fás, where she and previous ministers, including Mary Harney, presided over a black hole into which money was pured into, then burned, which is a further indictment of Cowen's bizarre thinking.

Nor is Coughlan's replacement in the Department of Enterprise any more inspiring. Batt O'Keefe is a 65 year old former lecturer who has no experience in Business and has never created a job in his life.

Call me cynical, but is it not a little worrying that our cabinet now has six teachers and three solicitors?

Not that there's anything wrong with teachers or solicitors per sé (actually let me rephrase that; there's nothing wrong with teachers per sé) but it means that Ireland is being led by a tiny pool of experience.

Why is there not a better spread of prior experience? Why is there no young people in the cabinet? Why is someone who is morbidly obese allowed to continue as our Minister of Health? Why do the two 'new' ministers have a combined age of 120?

So many questions, but one main answer. Loyalty. Brian Cowen doesn't seem to care about getting the best person for the job, that much is obvious, but he does care about surrounding people who think like him and who won't threaten him.

Is it any surprise that Mary Hanafin, one of the most effective Ministers in Cabinet (albeit, that's like calling the brightest kid in the special school) was demoted?

Hanafin is no fan of the Taoiseach and according to those in the know, doesn't hang out with the Taoiseach at the member's bar in Leinster House.

While it's reprehensible that anyone on €190k per year, with a cushy ministerial and TD's pension, would not give up their teaching position (which denies a young graduate a chance of getting that permanent position) Hanafin is not the only one in the Daíl who is engaging in this type of hypocrisy.

Yet she was the one who made the front page of the Irish Independent, on the day she was being shafted by 'Big Brian'.

Coincidence?

The other big question from this 're-shuffle' is how much the name changes for Governemnt Departments are going to cost the electorate? If Eamonn Gilmore is correct (and let's be honest, he probably is) it could cost us over €12 million.

(And what the heck does the Minister for Social Protection do? Is it just me, or does it sound like 'Minister for Condoms'?)

That's how things happen on the good ship Ireland and you'd better get used to it. Successive Fianna Faíl government's told us we were unsinkable, and we believed it. They told us that the iceberg that was the property bubble couldn't damage us, and the majority of us believed them.

And now that the ship is sinking fast the first into the lifeboats are Brian Cowen and his cronies.

Cowen is clearly trying to keep people loyal to him in the top jobs in some last ditch effort to last for another two years, but all this will do is put all of the backbencers who already hate him in the one place. Roll on the back-stabbing...

Flight of the Job Market

Our democracy, our economy, our country is being managed by incompetent idiots. There really is no escaping this fact any more.

Not only are the masters of our destiny not that bright, they are woefully unqualified to lead us out of the sticky mess that they've gotten us into.

On what basis do I make this bold claim?

There are examples far too numerous to list, but lets take the handling of the rapidly unravelling Hangar Six debacle at Dublin Airport for some further analysis.

On February 26th 2009, shortly after SR Technics announced that they were pulling out of Dublin Airport, Michael O'Leary contacted Mary Coughlan and told her that he would provide 500 jobs if the DAA would lease or sell Hanger Six to Ryanair.

Imagine how easy your job as Tánaiste would be if people kept offering to create 500 jobs: For one thing you wouldn't have to jet off anywhere on Patrick's day under the pretence of looking for jobs.

However Ms. Coughlan, our Minister for Enterprise, Trade and Employment, in her infinite wisdom and with the good of country always in mind, simply ignored it.

One might argue that Mary was playing a game of Russian roulette with the future of 500 families in the north Dublin region, but her supporters will probably counter that she was playing Mick O'Leary at his own game.

After all, Michael is used to having people at his beck and call, asking "how high?" when he shouts "JUMP". Let's call his bluff and see what happens...

Effective? Not so much. Whether the minister was engaging in a bold new strategy, or just criminally incompetent, it didn't work.

O'Leary, a businessman used to governments pulling out the stops when he offers them 500 jobs, was unimpressed.

So 200 of the jobs were lost to Glasgow, but O'Leary persevered, in no small part out of a desire to embarrass our government.

He again offered 300 jobs, but made it public. The man loves some cheap publicity and he is the best in the European market, if not the world, at the PR game.

However, the government refused to play ball because in the intervening period they had leased out Hangar Six to... Aer Lingus.

The Aer Lingus who is interested in creating 500 jobs in Ireland?

Or the Aer Lingus that is about to make 1,200 cabin crew redundant and will then hire back only 970 on reduced terms and conditions? Ah yes, that's the one...

So rather than leasing out the hanger to a company that wanted to create 500 jobs, they leased it out to a company that is making 230 people redundant, and reducing the wages of a further 970.

The logic in all of this? The government "can't tear up a legal agreement with one company to facilitate another".

After all, this is the party that puts business before the little people and hasn't that strategy paid dividends for us all?

Well, I'm glad they have their priorities in order.

But it still doesn't explain why they entered into the agreement in the first place, given that they already new that they could get 500 jobs in the Fingal area by renting it to Ryanair, rather than renting the space to Aer Lingus.

And as arguments go, Cowen's claim has one fatal flaw. The devil, as always, is in the detail

When Aer Lingus was privatised (and as always happens when this governments sells off state assets, think Eircom, lots of ordinary Irish punters lose money on an over-priced former state company) the government kept a 25% stake in the company.

We were told the reason for this 25% stake was 'to protect the national interest.' Sound logic so far.

Ryanair, unscrupulous corporate raiders that they are, own 29% of Aer Lingus, the single largest shareholder in the company.

To make things simple for our Taoiseach and Minister for Enterprise, I'll do the maths.

29 + 25 = 54.

So between the two of them, they have a massive controlling stake in Aer Lingus, 54%. Well over and above the amount required to pull the strings.

Aer Lingus wants Hangar Six and to cut 230 jobs. Ryanair wants Hangar Six and to create 500 jobs. Between them, Ryanair and the government can solve the problem, with no fallout.

But the government don't want to. Despite the fact that it is in-arguably "in the national interest."

W.C. Fields said that "Comedy is tragedy happening to someone else."

The rest of the world must be laughing up their sleeves at Ireland.

Good Money After Bad

An interesting thing happened yesterday; AIB's share price rose by %2.5. Not the good news story it may initially seem though.

The rise was on the back of the company announcing that they made a €2.6 billion pre-tax loss in 2009.

In Ireland in 2010, a €2.6 billion loss by a bank is good news!

It's a cautionary tale of the topsy-turvy times we live in when announcing a €2.6 billion loss is seen as a positive business story, enough to generate a 2.5% price increase.

It's like feeling positive about the fact that your taxi-driver is only twice the legal limit for alcohol, as opposed to six time the legal limit. Wrong, oh so wrong.

And all the time NAMA rolls on, more jobs are lost every day and Mary Coughlan responds by getting a makeover.

Awesome...